Hi blog, I am here again...having a date with my inner "me". Taking to myself, and even answering myself. Only tonight is different. There are unspoken prayer requests in my heart, and I am dealing with immense pain. This pain has completely taken over my entire existence, and I am left in darkness, doubts, and solitude. I am giving God all the broken pieces of my totally drained heart. I am begging for healing. I am praying for erasing my memories. I am asking for comfort. YET, I am also living in hopes, having great faith, and thinking that impossible will become possible one day. How do we absorb pain and hold on to hope? How can two scenarios be happening in my heart at the same time? I am dying inside and I am getting up again to live. I wanna scream "I love you" and then I wanna just be silent...I wanna run to you and then I stop...How do I live when I want to die? Where does the pain end and love starts? Where does the love end and pain starts? I am on the border line. I cannot move. I am a tightrope walker. Stunned. I do not want to walk in fear of losing balance and falling. I freeze. Does that make any sense? How do we deal with the inside opposites...? When we are almost ready to make a move and yet something is holding us back? How do we live on after leaving someone when there is nothing to live for? Maybe we should not have ever left?
Someone once said: "Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell."
Maybe this is what is wrong...?
No comments:
Post a Comment